Summer is here, summer begone

My head is heavy from all the non-thinking that takes place between the early hours of the morning when I wake up, unsure about my place and time, and the late evening when I go to bed, still unsure. Constant fear is the creature that lives inside my body, inside my soul. I do not know who let the fear in – was it me? Did I open the door? 

I read, and then read some more, about all the motivation, self-love, happiness, can-do attitude. They do not help me to get up from the couch. I am scared of failure, scared of the beginning, scared of the ending. I do not feel worthy of the opportunity to change my life. I do feel guilty for wasting everyone’s time.

There, on the edge of every morning when I wake up, all unsure about my place and time, stands a question that I am made to answer each day. There is no way around it. I choose to take a step and kiss the stone-cold hand of fear.

“Will you accept me? Will you love me one more day? Please do not turn away. You are the only thing I can feel right now.”

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